Love is lost...

I miss you so much.

I hate it.

I love you with a passion I can't describe.

I know better than to love you.

I know better. I know that I shouldn't care. I should stop thinking of  you. I Find it funny that I haven't.

I'm watching this movie called April's Showers. Pretty tragic. I took a trileptal. Some pain pill. KoKoe blocked me I think. Sucks. I thought we were cool, but I mean she's her friend, not mine right.

Gosh, I'm pathetic.

I'm shutting my mind out to everyone. I'm shutting myself in.

The only thing I fear is missing you.

I think about you everyday, but I'm not dreaming of you. Probably because I'm not thinking as hard about it, but it still hurts.

How could you? How dare you?

Okay. Well I'm thinking about going to school. I mean I am going to go to school, because I love school. I just want to do it right this time, and not worry about anyone else but me. Can I do it? I don't know. I don't see why I can't just be my own person and do my own thing.

Well. That's all for now.

Stoner.

That's me. I'm also tired.

I don't miss you, but I'm just like.. Damn. Really? Wow. That's fucked up. I just don't want to look like the bitch in the situation like, Oh poor lil Shonna got her heart broken by a tramp. Nah. But really though, fuck that. Ughhh. Okay, anyways.

Wasted time and energy.

Otherwise, idk.

School. Music and graphics. Here or there? I don't know. Maybe not either. Washington. That'd be nice. Agh, sike. Jk.

Bed time.

You could never know what it's like to lose you...

Today is harder than most, and I don't know why. I don't want to think about you, I don't want to hurt anymore. You left me for someone else, and NOW you're pregnant, and all I can do is hurt over it. Every morning I wake up and the thoughts run through my head. The same tiring, hurtful thoughts of betrayal, what you did with him, and how you hurt me. And on top of it all, I'm dreaming about you. Dreaming of you coming around, making me feel how you used to, and it's hurting me more. No matter what I do, it's there. You're always there. Always in my thoughts, always weighing down my heart. I know that my actions are my own. I know that my thoughts are my own, and I don't know WHY I can't stop. I don't know why I can't stop hurting. How long is this going to last? How long am I going to hurt over you, and the way that you crushed me. What more do I have to go through to let this all go?

I don't want to keep talking about it, but the pain is ever present. The hurt I feel lingers constantly. There is always something there to remind me. Something I see. Something I hear. Something I feel. It's always something. How heartless can you be to leave me hurting while you're off with what you think is making you happy? How heartless can you be to just do the things you do and did to me? I'll never understand it...

I'm so much BETTER than this. I deserve so much MORE. I'm not perfect, but I loved you. I would have done it all for you..

And look where that got me..