We are who we are..

Things are crazy, but not as messy as they used to be..

I'm having trouble deciding what I want to do with school, and work.. Seeing as I'm not making enough money but don't have the record to find a really good job. I'm also confused as to whether or not I should be a psych major or if I should try do something else that would be a better fit for me. I love to talk to people, I love to help people with issues, so I'm really into the idea of  being a therapist, but I'm afraid of graduating, and not finding a job and just having a degree I really can't use. I'm not even sure how long I will need to be in school, or what degree I need to get to even do what I want to do.. I guess I have some research to do.

I had some issues with myself last night, nothing out of the norm. I got into a conversation, well a me saying what was on my mind type thing, with Le'Tonja about it and it ended in the ending of our relationship. Wow. That wasn't the response I was looking for. I was looking for insight, not for someone to hurt me. Why did she do that? Why did she break up with me so "I can do me" and etc? That isn't what I was asking for, and not what I wanted. I just don't understand.

I'm not always going to know who I am, or even what I want. But deep down, I know that I want to be with her, and that all I'm looking for is happiness and financial stability. I think that I am just having trouble getting there, or figuring out what I need to get there.. I shouldn't have to explain myself, I think in a way she should understand, but I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is being dumped over nothing. I simply expressed myself and this is where it got me?

What will it take for her to understand that I love her? What will it take for her to understand that regardless of what is going on in my life I still want to be with her? Yes, I am confused sometimes because that's how I am. I can tend to be an unbalanced person, and not even that, I just tend to think and rethink often enough to confuse my wants and needs with what others want and need. I'm not perfect, but who is?

I guess all I can do is just wait. All I can do is just see what happens. Life is funny that way. It throws you obstacles and it's not about why they're there its about what you do to get over them, and the after. I plan to get through this. I can't force someone to be with me who, deep down inside may not really want to. Is that the case? I don't know. I have no idea how she feels because it seems as if she has based her decision on how I felt. Which, mind you, had nothing to do with us..

So what can I do? I have fought, and hard, for the last 8 months. I want this. I've shown that. I can't continue to blame myself, thinking I'm not enough. I know I haven't been perfect. I know I haven't, but I have done nothing but try.

I guess we'll just leave it at, what's meant to be will be..